Funny Bones

In a dark, dark city there was a dark, dark river next to the dark, dark river there was a dark, dark track along the dark, dark track was a dark, dark station under the dark, dark station there was a nicely lit very spacious poker club. Most of my stories will emanate from here, most of my thoughts; theories will come from the dark, dark space under my dark, dark hat.


The Fundamental Theorem of Poker (David Sklansky aka The Mathematician)


Every time you play a hand differently from the way you would have played it if you could see all your opponents’ cards, they gain; and every time you play your hand the same way you would have played it if you could see all their cards, they lose. Conversely, every time opponents play their hands differently from the way they would have if they could see all your cards, you gain; and every time they play their hands the same way they would have played if they could see all your cards, you lose.


Therefore perfect poker play is; knowing what everyone else has and playing accordingly.

Every time you play your hand the same way you would have played it if you could see all their cards, they lose.

I was once in a casino sat in a poker game in seat 8, I was ebbing and flowing and had been for about an hour and a half when two players came and sat at the same table; one a young lady, who was no lady and is what our friends over the pond would call a “skank” (a leopard lycra “V” neck top showing at least 60% of her assets) sat down in seat 5 and proceeded to flirt with everyone. A few minutes later a young man similar age came and sat in seat 7 next to me, he was very quiet and brought to the table about 50% more chips he had a big stack. After about half an hour I noticed that the two new players were in the same pots, when one folded or played so did the other, this got me thinking, having recently read a book (dirty poker – a must read for any dealer) I noticed that they were signalling to each other what each of them had, a further 15 minutes and I now had not one but three hands of information. So I did what any decent upstanding poker player would have done and played perfect poker with these two cahooting players and enjoyed every second! (I did try to tell the cardroom manager but to no avail)

Every time opponents play their hands differently from the way they would have if they could see all your cards, you gain.

“Ah I’m sorry mate if I’d have known that’s what you had I’d have folded”

“Dam I knew you had that, but I was ahead”


These should be music to poker players’ ears, the cries of a bad player someone who really did/does not know what is right from wrong sat at the table. This is what you should be listening for when entering a busy card room because at that table against that player, you gain. Once sat at that table and see it happen again and again then reassurance is needed; “Nice one buddy, well played, you’re on fire tonight!” then sit back and enjoy!